"Come Inside, It's Fun Inside"

Right now my nephew and niece are watching Little Einsteins with my sister in the living room. I'm always amazed by the amount of educational material the creators of that show can fit into each episode. It's quite good really. In fact, even though it is intended for small children, Little Einsteins and other TV shows like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Dora the Explorer have a lot to offer even for adult viewers such as myself. It's almost as good as watching Jeopardy.

However, my affinity for kids shows of this genre only extends so far.

Why? you ask.

Because I can't stand the staring. The blinking.

What do you mean? you ask, wrinkling your brow.

I mean, whenever the character on the TV asks the audience to do something like sing or dance or raise their arms high in the air and say, "Blast off!" they stare at you as if they are actually waiting for a response.

And they blink.

Then they act like you have done whatever they asked or responded  to their question in some way, even if you haven't. I at times feel the urge to turn away or close my own lids in order to avoid those creepy "eyes I dare not meet in dreams" (from T. S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men"). This is perhaps one of my only criticisms of such educational television shows. Please, animators, make them less frightening while they are waiting for a reply.

My other criticism (yes, I have only two criticisms for the shows named above; I would have plenty more if we were talking about The Wiggles and Imagination Movers, but I will not waste digital white space and your time [or mine] in discussing them) is the misnomer interactive TV show. In my opinion, we should probably refrain from referring to shows as interactive because, well, they really aren't interactive at all. Such an appellation suggests that they illicit certain responses and then respond accordingly. But they don't. If you say you don't want to sing with Annie as Rocket as they go on their mission to rescue the lost dragon kites in time to save the kite parade by the Great Wall of China, she'll still act like you said yes. When Mickey Mouse asks if you want to help save Goofy's cattle from falling into the nearby river, you don't actually have to answer him; you merely wait and he'll act as though you volunteered. An interactive Mickey would say, "You want to help me rescue Goofy's cows?" and when you don't respond he would say, "Well, do you?" or "Why are you ignoring me?"

The same could be said for an interactive Dora. "Do you know how to count to ten in Spanish?" Pause. Blinking. "I said," she repeats louder, "Do you know how to count to ten in Spanish?" Another pause. More blinking. Her eyes turn angry. "¡Ai caramba! Escuchenme, cabrones, escuchenme bien. Si no hacen como los dije, los mato como las gallinas en la calle sin salida! Entienden, muchachos?" Then, the phone rings and a raspy voice says, "Uno, dos, tres, quattro, cinco, seis, siete dias...." Click. Fortunately for the viewers though, Dora, unlike Samara (see film The Ring), won't be able to emerge from the well and climb through the television screen to make good on her threats. "Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggety dog!" (see Disney's Mickey Mouse Clubhouse)