False Advertising

How is it that so many businesses continue to create commercials which, while putting their company in a better light, falsely depict their products as having a certain effect or possessing a certain appearance? In fact, I'm fairly sure that one cannot watch TV for more than a few seconds without coming across an advertisement that does not bend, stretch, or otherwise disfigure the truth (if not out-and-out breaking it in little pieces, swallowing it, and regurgitating it like a mama robin feeding her young).

For example, Macdonald's food, in reality, looks nothing like it does in the commercial world. Some might even consider the advertised food something of a simulacra, a supposed copy of a copy of something for which there is actually no original (see Jean Baudrillard's Simulacra and Simulacrum). If Macdonald's actuall served burgers that looked like burgers (as advertised) then I would have no qualms about eating there at all. As it is however, I refuse to sample their burgers anymore because their burgers are as greasy as a used-car salesman and as thin as a bolemic crack addict.

Or how about those Axe commercials? I have used Axe body spray in the past, but it didn't work the way the commercials said it would. I have never been chased down a beach by thousands of bikini-clad women coming from every direction; I have never had a woman catch a whiff of my Axe body wash and suddenly start saying "Boom chicka wow wow!" and try to rip my clothing off; and I have never gotten hair-action at a party (or anywhere else for that matter). D--- you, Axe, you're full of it.

Movie trailers are the same. In less than a minute of edited clips, a movie trailer can convince an audience that the movie they're going to see is actually pretty good. Then, once in the movie theater, the viewers find out that they had already seen every good scene that the movie had to offer (see Talladega Nights).

Remember the old commercials for York peppermints patties? The people who took a bite would immediately receive the sensation that they were playing hockey in the kitchen or doing the luge down a mountain slope in their recliner "as the wind whips against [their] body!" But I guess it only works for them because when I bite into a York peppermint patty I get the sensation that I'm...biting into a York peppermint patty. No more. No less.

Also, if Doublemint gum really did double your pleasure and double your fun as the advertisements say it does, it would probably sit next to the KY Jelly instead of in the checkout line opposite the tabloids and Soap Opera Guides.

So, how do we fix this? Well, it cannot be fixed. The people who are trying to sell crappy products will ultimately fail if they come out and  tell their customers how bad their merchandise is, and those who sell better things than their competition have nothing at all to fix. Further, those whose merchandise is only about as good as the rest of the competitors' (such as Axe) will have to continue trying to find ways to make themselves stand out, even if it means making things up. Therefore, we will continue to exist as we have always existed: being let down by crappy movies whose trailers are better than the real thing; finding more delight in watching commercials about food than actually eating it; and waiting forever for hair action that will never, ever, come.