Home for the Holidays

I want to make up a holiday. I repeat, I want to make up a holiday.

But you can't do that, you argue. You don't have the authority to make a holiday.

Why not?

Because only a government or some sort of council or reigning body can create a holiday.

But they can only make national or ecclesiaistical holidays; I want to make a universal one. At the very least, I'll make a private one. But I'd like to try for the universal one first.

Well, what kind of holiday would it be? Not that you'll ever get the chance to make one, of course. But hypothetically speaking...

I think it should be something classy. Something nobody else would think of.

For example?

How about Pizza Day?

Hmm. For Americans, and college students in particular, Pizza Day happens about three times a week anyway. Unofficially, of course.

Well, if I can't do that, what about Pie Day?

We already have one those.

We do?

Yep; it happens every March 14th. Some people call it Pie Day, but the more erudite call it Pi Day. We don't observe it as faithfully as we ought to, but we'll have to have an extra big celebration in 2015.

Why?

Because on that day we'll be able to take pi out to nine decimal places. So, on 3/14/15 when the clock strikes exactly 9:26:53, we'll all jump in the air, throw chocolate mousse pies at each other, and sing "Cherry Pie" by Warrant, "American Pie" by Don Maclean, and that one Afroman song. How does it go? "My room is still messed up and I know why (why man?) / Because I got pie/ because I got pie/ because I got pie."

Okay, now we've established that Pie Day is taken, as are preparations for the big Pie Day blowout in four years. I think we should...wait. I've got it. Genius!

What is it?

Talk With a Different Accent Day. How fun would that be?

Sounds fun enough. Is it anything like Talk Like A Pirate Day?

Well, sort of, I guess. But instead of everyone talking like Blackbeard, they can talk like whomever they want. Think of all of those Koreans who want to talk like the guy on the Starburst commercial ("You're a walking contradiction, Jimmy! You're Scotch-Korean!"); they'll finally be able to have a holiday just for that sort of tomfoolery. And it will be on the 17th of December from now ad infinitum. So all of you who are now reading, feel free to assume a different accent for the next 55 minutes.

No one will go for that kind of a holiday. It'll never catch on. You're wasting your time.

Oh, am I? Well, dinna you think that, laddie.  We'll just see aboot it, won't we? It will na' be a remembered day when I prove you wrong, my friend, but it'll certain be a prood one for me. FREEDOM!