Monday is a busy day at our house, and today was no different. Actually, I take that back; it was different because it was somehow busier than an average Monday. Not only did I volunteer to pick my little sister up from school, but I also took her Christmas shopping, took our stuff back to the library, went to the bank, and bought a few grocery items for dinner (I made lasagna, garlic bread, and chef's salad today; everything was quite good. By the way, I just tore my rotator cuff a second ago; I guess I'm not flexible enough to pat myself on the back effectively. Oh, well. Practice makes perfect).
On top of all that, I ended up taking my sister to her cheerleading practice as well. Always a delightful time. Not that I don't enjoy watching my sister doing her cheer drills; believe me, I do. I sincerely do. Also, I like to take her to cheer because she's always extremely happy and cheerful and grateful to me afterwards, and nothing makes you feel quite as good as knowing someone is beholden to you....that is, I mean, doing something nice for someone. The only problem is that I go and sit and wait for an hour to an hour and a quarter and try to read. Unfortunately, at the same time I am wading through the complexities of the relationship between Fermina Daza and Florentino Ariza, not to mention a parrot who is responsible for the death of Fermina Daza's defunct hubby, (Note: I am reading Love in the Time of Cholera for those of you who wanted to know where all that came from. Actually, even if you weren't wondering or already knew which book it was, you still get to know that I am reading Love in the Time of Cholera), I, a solitary, somewhat subdued, bearded individual with non-matching chromosomes, am surrounded by a group of loud cheer moms and their vapid conversations (or perhaps they were vapid moms with cheer conversations). Either way, their loud remarks to one another constantly distracted me from my book, causing me to read and re-read quite a few pages of my novel. As if it isn't long enough already. I almost missed the fact that Lorenzo Daza took a revolver with him when he went to meet Florentino, and that was hardly a subtle sort of detail.
In fact, to my detriment, one of the moms talked for 10-15 minutes alone about how her husband insists that their new dog sleep with them at night, that her husband bathes with it at times, that he takes its side over hers in an argument, and that he suggested the two of them take turns sleeping on the couch until it gets used to sleeping in their bed.
On the bright side, my sister has improved in her tumbling recently. She can now do a modified round-off and land on her backside with a fair amount of ease and grace. I think we will be working this week on doing a somersault. Unfortunately, I accidentally put my beanie in her backpack, and now it smells like her gym shoes. Lovely.
But what about that lasagna? you ask. Aren't you going to share your lasagna recipe with us? Why should I? I've never shared that recipe with anyone; at least, I've never written the recipe down for anyone before. I let people watch me make it, and they can pick whatever things they can.
Why don't you want to share it, though? you plead. Is it not that good?
Of course, it is, people. That's the whole point. It's absolutely "frabjous" (from Lewis Carroll's Behind the Looking Glass). But that only makes it more desirable to withhold; if I gave the recipe out, it would become more common, people would envy me less, and I absolutely can't have that. No, no, you shan't have my recipe, recipe-hawks. Perhaps on my deathbed, I will entrust the secret to my firstborn with my dying breath, but to no one else. And if I die childless, the secret goes with me. Deal with it.
Is it really as big a deal as that?
No. It isn't.
It's just fun.
Fun?
Yes. Fun. Fun to see people want to know what you know. Fun to see them riddled with jealous feelings because they don't. Fun to have people ask you to make something that you make better than anyone else they know. That's F-U-N. Fun
You're a monster.
I know. But I am an enviable monster. Mmm. This is delicious.
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