For the Kiddos

Today, I thought it might be nice to have a little story for all the little kids who have wanted to read my blog but have not had the opportunity to do so because they are not old enough to read yet: "This one's for you, wherever you are" (thank you, Barry Manilow).

Outlaw Suzy

Suzy was a blonde, curly-haired five-year-old, independent woman and, boy, was she busy. She had about a dozen dollies, and she felt the need to spend time with each of them, doing the things they liked to do.

She dressed up her china doll for formal tea parties with the Queen of England, showing her how to properly drink tea and eat biscuits when royalty was in the room.

She taught three of her rag dolls how to dance a Viennese Waltz, a rhumba, and a foxtrot (she had tried to teach them how to disco but had accidentally ripped the arm off of one of them while doing so; consequently, she stuck to slower and safer modes of dancing after that).

She flew with her Amelia Earhart doll across every ocean in the world (she actually lost her on one of the missions, but her dolly finally came home safely).

She and her dolls had been on every single continent, climbed the five highest mountains in the world without oxygen tanks (that was no picnic), and went on three safaris in the Serengeti to hunt crocs and gnus (she never got one; she was too nice to actually use her gun).

All in all, Suzy loved to pretend.

Unfortunately, so did Matt.

Matt was Suzy's older brother, a freckle-faced, red-haired miscreant who always ended up in Suzy's adventures (whether she liked it or not) and found a way to ruin them for her.

Once, Suzy was sitting on the floor of her room, horseback riding with Calamity Jane. Matt burst into the room, acting like a fighter pilot.

"Vroom-vroom!" he shouted, holding his arms out like wings. "Target in sight. Drop bombs." He released two red water balloons, SPLASH! SPLASH!, right on poor Suzy's curly head. "Factory destroyed," he shouted gleefully. "Back to base." He flew out of the room, leaving Suzy and Calamity Jane soaking wet.

But that wasn't the worst of it. No, no, no. Even when she wasn't pretending, he would show up and spoiled her fun. On her birthday, he had pretended to be a fireman, and when she was about to blow out the candles on her double fudge chocolate cake (her favorite), he opened fire with a large water gun, spraying water, candles, and soggy frosting all over his sister. Mommy scolded him, but the party was already ruined.

But Suzy wouldn't cry about it. Of course not. She was five years old and an independent woman. She could take of herself. All she did was wait for an opportunity for revenge.

A few weeks later, her chance came. Matt had been playing with his trains and railroad tracks and had fallen asleep in his room. Sammy peeked in the room and, seeing her brother unconscious on the floor, realized this was her chance. She knew well enough that Matt, once he was asleep, would not wake for anything less than the sound of a cannon going off or a blaring foghorn.

She went to the garage and found a roll of strong packing tape in Daddy's toolbox and quickly went back to Matt's room, where she proceeded to wrap her brother up, like a spider about to have a snack. She started by taping him around his ankles, his knees, his hands, and his arms. Last of all, she put a good solid layer around his whole body. Matt would not be going anywhere when he woke up.

She pushed his body toward the train tracks and placed Matt's head over the tracks near the water tower. She made a good slope just before the train would reach Matt.

"Wake up, citizen Matt!" she yelled, shaking the boy. "Outlaw Suzy's gotcha all tied up." She giggled.

Matt woke up slowly. "Wha...what?" A little bit of drool had run down his cheek, and the carpet had left a mark on his forehead.

"I'm Outlaw Suzy, sonny boy, and I'm here to make sure you don't bother nobody ever again."

"Let me go!" he shouted. He tried to move, but it was impossible with all of that tape around his body. Outlaw Suzy had used the entire roll.

"Citizen Matt, I'm here to tell you that you cain't pick on my friend Suzy no more. If you do, well, I'm gonna have to git a little rough."

She grinned and turned on the train. "Now, promise to be nice, an' I'll stop the train 'fore it runs right over your head, amigo. If'n you don't, I 'spect it's gonna hurt real bad."

"Turn it off, Suzy!" Matt pleaded.

"What's that, hombre? I cain't hear ya over that train whistle."

"Turn it off, Suzy!" he said louder.

"You gotta 'pologize, sonny boy!"

"For what?"

"You ruined Suzy's birthday party, citizen Matt, an' now you're gonna git yours if'n you don't say you're sorry."

"And if I don't want to?"

"Then I 'spect we'll be calling you door-Matt instead of citizen Matt," she replied. "Now, say it! That train's almost up the slope."

"Fine, I'm sorry!" he shouted. "Now, turn it off!"

But it was too late. Outlaw Suzy couldn't stop the train in time, and it crashed into citizen Matt.

THONK!

"Ouch!" he yelled.

"Sorry 'bout that, pardner," said Outlaw Suzy. "You jist shoulda said it quicker."

Mommy's voice came up the stairs. "Matt! Suzy! Lunch time! Come and eat or go without!"

Suzy tried to take the tape off of her brother, but she had done the job too thoroughly. "Sorry, hombre. I guess I better go tell your ma you're all tied up."

From then on, whenever Suzy was on the Lewis and Clark expedition, did Matt come and drop atomic bombs on Sacagewea's head? Nope. He was the packhorse.

Whenever she had dance ball or dress party, did he ruin by shooting her with rubberbands? Nope. He served the punch.

Whenever she went on a safari or hunting expedition, did he attack her jeep with his tanks? Nope. He was the croc and generally he wound up as a purse (it was a lot easier to use her gun when her prey looked like her brother).

And whenever she had a tea party in her room, where do you suppose Matt was?

Locked out.

Who needs boys to have a good time? She was an independent woman.

The End

I really wish that I had illustrations to go with the story, but it'll have to do as it is. Enjoy.