Thank Ya, Thank Ya Very Much

I know this kind of makes me sound like one of those celebrities receiving an award or something, but really I have a lot of people to thank today. So, taking a page from the book of Jimmy Fallon, I'd like to take a few minutes and say thank you.

My Thank-You List

20. Thank you, Alanis Morrissette: For writing a song about saying thank you. (By the way, was it cold in the subway when you were making that music video? You looked a little chilly. Good thing your hair was long, huh?)

19. Thank you, Food Network: For letting me watch Giada de Laurentiis.

18. Thank you again, Food Network: For letting me watch Giada de Laurentiis (That deserves two thank-yous).

17. Thank you, first snow of the year: For freezing the doors of my car shut.

16. Yo, thank you, Justin Bieber: For being, like, the coolest thing to come along, since, you know, like, uh, forever. Like, totally, you rock.

15. Thank you, guy I know that isn't that attractive or intelligent or successful and still managed to get married: For giving me hope.

14. Thank you, Billy the Exterminator: For simultaneously entertaining me and reminding me why I'm pursung more education in a field unrelated to gator-wrastling, snake-killing, and mohawk-wearing. Jist sayin'.

13. Thank you, fortune cookies: For never being right. I'm still waiting for all of that success in my future. By the way, someone told me I should add the words "in bed" at the end of my fortunes. Yeah. That hasn't happened either.

12. Thank you, mimes: For showing us that actions speak louder than words. At least, they would if I knew what the h--- your actions were trying to say. Okay I get it, you're in a box now. Now, you're climbing out. Are you doing the hokey-pokey...hey, did you just flip me off?

11. Thank you, Michael Jackson: For helping us realize that no matter your race, gender, or color, you can always become a different race, gender, or color.

10. Thank you, India: For not hating Americans just because we allow NBC to continue showing "Outsourced", which only stays on the air because the "Office" viewers don't have enough sense to change the channel.

9. Thank you, NBC: For reminding me why I prefer CBS.

8. Thank you, BCS: For keeping sports non-political and preserving the integrity of the game of college football and its athletes.

7. Thank you, New England Patriots: For giving me a reason to watch the first NFL game on Thanksgiving morning.

6. Thank you, Bill O' Reilly: For showing America why it's good to be liberal.

5. Thank you, Keith Olbermann: For showing America why it's good to be conservative.

4. Thank you, The View: For giving me a reason to turn the TV off and read a book.

3. Thank you, Japanese library gameshow: For making me laugh even after I watched your Youtube video six times in a single evening.

2. Thank you, pilgrims: For taking a day off from burning witches and shooting Native Americans to give America a day which brings us one step closer to chronic obesity. You've done so much.

1. Thank you, Tiger Woods: For....uh, well anyway, thanks for nothing.


All of that aside, I would like to thank all of you who have been reading my blog. This has become an extremely fun and rewarding endeavor, which I had not expected when I started a couple weeks ago. I hope to continue providing entertaining and interesting material in the future, and I hope you will continue to read and enjoy. Thank you again.