A White Sport Coat...and Something about Reincarnation?

Have you ever had a cashier at the grocery store who is a death fanatic? One who perhaps senses deep within her Wiccan heart that you are somehow a kindred spirit? Perhaps, instead of saying, "Paper or plastic"? (which these days refers more to the method of payment rather than the type of bag your groceries are going in), this black-haired (with blonde roots), mesh-wearing harpy with charcoal lipstick and nightshade fingernail polish from the neighborhood coven asks in all seriousness, "Cremation or burial?"; "Viewing or no viewing?"; or, if you're lucky, "Pine or maple?" Which, of course, she follows up with "I wants to make your flesh creep" (from Charles Dickens' The Old Curiosity Shop). Oh horror, do those kind of people actually exist? you ask, trembling. Perish the thought. Of course, they exist (would I make something like that up?), just not at your grocery store apparently. But I hear they're coming to a store near you. Bwah-hah-hah!

However, I am not going to dwell on that subject; I'll leave that to the practicing Druids, the sociologists, and the Twilight fans. No, my friends, no death today, "my love has gone away" (from Herman's Hermits "No Milk Today"; sorry, I just couldn't resist adding that). Not going there. But haven't you already gone there? you ask. Fine, I've gone there, but now I'm leaving there. Satisfied? Yes, you say. You always satisfy us (That's what she...never mind).

Actually, instead of talking about that grisly subject (ugh), I was thinking about the Buddhist concept of reincarnation recently. Yes, reincarnation. Not death. Not even life after death. More like life after death after life after death after life after death after life and so on.

I once posed the question to some of my roommates: If you could be reincarnated, in what form would you come back? Despite the fact that I am not Buddhist and I believe in resurrection, I think the question, or rather the answer to this question, conveys a certain amount of insight into the personality of the person answering (And if you happen to be offended by the question, well, that says something about you as well).

Well, you say, curious once again, since you did bring it up, what would you choose to be, if you had the choice?

Hmm. I'm not sure I can say just one.

Top 5?

I think I can handle that.

Top 5 Things to Become in Another Life

Sean Connery: Lousy actor, but what a voice.

Elephant: Elephants live a long time, they're bigger than everyone else, and when you're elephant, you don't have to care what you look like; nobody is going to make any remarks about the whatever-it-is you have stuck in your teeth. Why? Because you're an elephant. Also, if you happen to get lost, nice old women take you into their homes and give you all the money you need to buy whatever you want. Until of course the elephant king dies from a poisonous mushroom, and you became the next king because of your fancy clothes and civilized (see Jean de Brunhoff's Babar).

Mouse: I know, rodents are disgusting. I will not dispute this. But on the other hand, if you're mad because you couldn't be an elephant, why not choose to be something that can scare an elephant? And if you happen to find one who can fly, well, you'll make lots of money managing his career (see Disney film Dumbo).

Mr. T: You may not get much work after your TV show gets canceled (except for World of Warcraft advertisements in which you talk about your knight-elf mohawk that's turning all of the other characters into knight-elf mohawks by hitting them with knight-elf mohawk grenades), but, man, you'd get a lot of bling.

Roadrunner: Life would never get boring as a roadrunner. All you do is say "Beep! Beep!", stick your tongue out, and make the coyote blow himself up with his ACME dynamite, run off a cliff in his ACME rocket shoes, or drop his ACME anvil on his head. Not to mention, you have no guilt because no matter what the coyote does, you know he isn't going to die. Life could not be more fulfilling.