Just about everyone, I imagine, who actively watches TV has a favorite actor on a favorite show. Mine happens to be Simon Baker on The Mentalist. I like his character, Patrick Jane, because he has all the wit (and more) of Dr. Gregory House, M.D. without all of the pent-up rage (Also, Patrick Jane doesn't solicit hookers in his spare time, so he's also much classier). However, in a very close second place would probably be the entire cast of The Big Bang Theory because of their constant hilarity. If I get about 50%-70% of their nerdy jokes, then I start to feel pretty good about my IQ. Plus, it's educational (in moreways than one). I now know the names of the six noble gases (helium, argon, xenon, radon, neon, and krypton), who the best Star Trek captain was, and the difference between a sweater and a dickie (and that was only one episode). Oh, and did I mention they're hilarious?
Raj: "I'm telling you, dude, the only way to feel better about Penny going out with other guys is for you to get back on the whores."
Howard: "Horse."
Raj: "What?"
Howard: "That phrase is 'get back on the horse,' not 'whores'."
Raj: "That's disgusting, dude!"
Unfortunately, this TV show coin does have another side. An ugly side. We might call it the other side, the far side, or even...the dark side (Dun dun dun).
Or perhaps it isn't a coin at all. Perhaps it's what Darin Hammond would call a "locked box, where all bad thoughts go" (from SNL skit "Bush-Gore Debate"). Accompanying these bad thoughts will be the annoying performances and actors who cause them.
Rosanne used to be in the locked box, but she's been away from TV for so long (except in syndication) that she doesn't even matter anymore. Besides, even she can't beat out that red-haired man from CSI: Miami (I've never bothered to find out his real name) and William Shatner at the same time.
I have wondered how the network keeps allowing these people to remain on television. Horatio Cane's every line is a soliloquy meant to pull us into his unspoken emotional turmoil despite the ridiculousness of the lines themselves ("I am the fiber king, David; I am the fiber king. So what are you going to do?"). William Shatner's portrayal as an uncaring father makes us wish Spock had started a mutiny on the U.S.S. Enterprise back in the 60s, beamed Kirk into an abandoned subterranean mining colony, and left him at the mercy of the Horta. Unfortunately, Spock never saw the logic in that.
However, I can also see why they remain on TV. The networks must realize, as I have recently, that despite these actors' inability to deliver a good performance, they probably could not do anything else besides try to act. They couldn't be normal people with normal jobs. Think about it. Do you want Horatio Cane and William Shatner as your garbage men, showing up every Friday morning and going through your trash?
"Hey, honey, the fiber king's digging through the barrels again."
"Get him out of the recycling bags!"
Suddenly, through an open window, you see Horatio Cane holding a piece of broken glass up to the light. William Shatner says, "So. How long. Do you. Think. That's. Been there?"
Horatio puts on his dark glasses, presses "play" on his truck stereo, and suddenly the entire neighborhood can hear the screaming strains of "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who. He casually responds, looking directly toward your window with one eyebrow raised: "The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind."
That. Doesn't. Even make. Sense. Oh. Well.
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