Definition #1: French, verb, "to remember"
Definition #2: French, noun, "memory"
Definition #3: English, noun, "in theory, a small or large object intended to invoke memories or nostalgia of a person, place, or thing, generally foreign rather than domestic" (Note: Don't consult any dictionary; I made that definition up)
Definition 4: English, noun, "in practice, sometimes a piece of plastic, ceramic, or fabric of some kind which generally has no other utility that to sit on a shelf, in a drawer, or in a cupboard, collecting dust and living residents" (Note: That one was made up, as well)
In my opinion--neither expert nor humble--I would say that souvenirs comes in three types, which often dictates where they end up after they have been fondly looked over and scrutinized by the recipient (Yes, here comes another list).
1. The Good
This category consists of spoons, thimbles, silverware, china, books, certain kinds of clothing, and high-end decorating pieces like bottles of oil and vinegar, art, sculptures, pictures, etc. Not only do these sorts of things connect directly with the spirit and legacy of the place you visit, effectively invoking positive memories of the place you visited abroad, but they are also usable and displayable without shame or embarassment. As long as they hold their shape and color and contents, they will continue to be shown in the front room or the parlor if you happen to have one of those.
2. The Bad
DVDs, food items, and foreign currency fall into this genre of souvenirs. If you buy the DVDs in Europe, you won't be able to watch them when you come back to America anyway, so they'll ultimately end up going to a thrift store, where they will be purchased by an unlucky sap who thought he was getting a good deal on a Swedish-dubbed version of Chariots of Fire, or in the trash. Avoid buying your movies anywhere but in your native country.
Food items, while often tasty, do not serve well as souvenir because they don't last long enough. If you save them, they'll go bad; if you eat them, well, you'll no longer have them and ultimately it will be their absence, not the things themselves, that brings back memories, and that is hardly positive or effective.
Foreign currency ends up in a box in the closet, another addition to little brother's coin collection which he will have forever and never look at, except when he has something to add to it. The initial thrill of the gift is its only real joy.
3. The Ugly
These types of souvenirs generally only serve to conjure up negative images and impressions of the place in which they were purchased. They generally have little or no utility and you would not be caught dead displaying it or letting people know you have it. This category is a catch-all for all things hideous, strange, or tragically useless, things like the huge brown bierstein you bought in Hamburg for your father-in-law that has a big pair of lips on the drinking stem and says, Kuss mich, Specknacken!; the T-shirt you found at a street vendor's table in Munich that says, Boob inspektor; the Little Mermaid paperweight you got in Copenhagen that sports a black Elvis doo, a white jumpsuit with multi-colored sequins, and a pullstring that makes it sing "Blue Suede Shoes" in Danish.
So, when you're abroad and in a marketplace or store of some kind, ask yourself these questions:
1) When people think of this place, how do I want them to think of it?
2)When I think of this place, how do I want to remember it? Do I want to remember it by the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the London Bridge (when it's not falling down , of course), the Tower of Pisa, the Teatro Massimo, the Parthenon, and on and on and on? Or, do I want to remember it by the Mannequin Pis corkscrew with its brassy, spiral genitalia that seems to go on forever "like a record, baby, right, round, round" (from Dead or Alive song "You Spin Me Round")? (Note: For those of you who do not know what the Mannequin Pis is, it is a French statue of little boy urinating into a fountain).
If you think seriously about those questions, the memories incited by your souvenirs, whether pictures or postcards or leather wallets or shoes or books or bottles, will be directed toward the majesty of the places you have seen and not to some knick-knack you and yours may never find a use for.
I think I'll stick with this:
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| Cathedral in Palermo, Sicily |
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| Piazza Politeama, Palermo, Sicily |
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| Teatro Massimo, Palermo, Sicily |
And if I may be so bold as to take C.S. Lewis out of context, "Here are beauties that will pierce like swords or burn like cold iron." Don't you agree?
Or maybe you can think of something better?
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