"'I'll Be Watching You"

My mom used to read to my siblings and me from William J. Bennett's The Book of Virtues, a thick collection of poetry, folk and fairy tales, and essays whose objective, essentially, involved the instruction of children for the better. For example, the Story of the Fisherman and His Wife taught us the importance of being content with what we have. The poem about a group of nasty individuals called the Goops talked about having good hygiene and table manners. And so on and so forth.

Most of the stories in The Book of Virtues were quite instructive and instrumental in helping us know what we ought to do. However, there were a few things in the book that really did not fit in. How they made it into a collection of this genre, I will never know.

For example, Bennett includes an excerpt from Macbeth, which involves Lord and Lady Macbeth as they plot to kill the king and take his throne. I believe the intended moral in that piece is the importance of keeping your word, and if you say you will do something, you must do it, even if it involves a conspiracy to assassinate the ruling authority, who happens to be a beloved and good individual, in order to succeed him as king. What a moral to teach to young children. I'm in tears just thinking about it.

Oh, here's another good one: "The Story of Augustus, Who Would Not Have Any Soup," a regular classic in the making. This little poem comes from a collection of German cautionary tales for children, in which the principle of choices and consequences is taught with disastrous results. In the poem, the boy Augustus, "a chubby lad" with "fat, ruddy cheeks" decides one day he does not wish to eat his soup. Unfortunately, this sort of pickiness continues for five days and poor picky-nicky Augustus ends up dead from starvation. Why his parents did not offer him something else, I do not know; however, that is apparently beyond the scope of this poem.

[Note: Just in case you are sadistic enough to use such tricks to break your children of their bad habits, the name of the book I have just mentioned is Der Struwwelpeter or (Slovenly Peter in English) and the author is Heinrich Hoffmann. It not only addresses the consequences of being picky but also playing with matches (you get burned to a crisp and your cats will cry on your ashes); being cruel to animals (they will attack you and bite your leg until you bleed); making fun of black people (you'll get dipped in an inkpot and turned black yourself; no, I'm not making this up); shooting rabbits for fun (they'll steal your gun while you're taking a nap and shoot at you, forcing you to jump in a well to avoid the bullet; I told you, I'm not making this up); sucking your thumb (a man with big scissors will come and cut your thumbs off); tipping in your chair (you'll end up pulling the tablecloth and all of the food onto yourself when you fall over backwards, leaving Mom and Dad very cross because you ruined their dinner); not watching where you're going (you'll wind up in a river); and going outside when it's windy (the wind will catch your umbrella, lift you up, and carry you away, and no one will see you ever again).]

Now, where was I? Oh, yes, The Book of Virtues. Despite some of its more ghastly tales, it really is a book of good qualities. One redeeming story, which I remember after all these years is the story called "Someone Sees You."

A man decides to steal some wheat from his neighbor, and he has his daughter stand as a lookout. Three times she calls to him, "Someone sees you," and three times he scurries out of the field, looks around, and sees no one. A fourth time she calls, "Someone sees you." Finally, he says angrily, "Why do keep saying that? There's no one around."

She replies, "Father, someone sees you from above."

The innocence of children is a remarkable force for keeping adults in line.

Oh, is that what you were getting at with this introduction? you ask. It's about time. Why do you say that?

Because children are verbal and behavioral parrots. If they copy an inappropriate action, or if they repeat a naughty word they heard, it tells those around them to watch themselves more closely because, truly, someone is watching (and listening) from below.

For example, my little sister used to say "Bammit!" (obviously a close approximation of another word) all the time. No doubt she heard something like it on TV (I never said it...around her, so she could not have gotten it from me).

I remember watching the movie The Man from Snowy River with my family "when I was just lad" (from film Mary Poppins). In an argument between Jim and Harrison, Jim says, "You b------!" I will remind you, I was a child at the time and, for some strange reason, found the language comical. I repeated it. Loudly. That's right. I uttered, "You bossed it!" right in front of my mom. She consequently slapped the back of my head and told me not to say that word ever again (I swear, I have never again used the phrase "bossed it" since that day). But wait a minute. She, my mother, was the one who let me, a seven- or eight-year-old child, watch that movie in the first place. She should have slapped herself on the back of the head and left me alone.

Another time, I watched The Black Stallion (so I liked horse movies; so what?), and one of the characters called Alec Ramsay a name after driving what I think was a Volkswagen Vanagon over a small cliff. Once again, I thought it sounded funny, and I said it out loud (thank goodness, no one was around at that time to hear me). I mean, what isn't funny about calling someone a "son of a pinch," right? Later on, I found out that the man had actually said a bad word. Not that anyone would tell me what it was. Talk about shoddy instruction.

Personally, I think we cannot be too careful around our children in our behavior and vocabulary. They rely on our good examples in order to become good examples and good individuals themselves. My mom--as have many mothers--used to tell us, "Remember who you are!" whenever we went anywhere, but perhaps it's just as important for us to remember who they--the children--are.

That's right.

Polly want a cracker?