Mitch Albom's book The Five People You Meet in Heaven begins with the death of an old maintenance man named Eddie. Eddie goes to heaven where he meets five people who teach him valuable lessons about sacrifice and other such things.
I do not intend to argue with anyone about who we get to meet on the other side of the Acheron, but the thought did come to me that instead of being assigned to select individuals, I would like to choose the five people I chat with myself. After all, if, by some chance, we retain an iota of what we are here, we're still going to want to make our own decisions every once in a while. This is one of the decisions I want to make. I will keep the number of people I choose to meet in heaven at five, though, and the choices will still be based on my admiration and respect for them and the influence they have been to me.
Now, think for a minute. Think about heaven. Think about dogmatic descriptions of the place--if you must--or your own personal perspective on the organization and landscape of Elysia. For the sake of ease however, let's just say there is a toll booth and St. Peter is in it, raising and lowering the gates. Until you give Peter your list of five people to speak, he won't let you through.
The Five People I'd Like to Meet in Heaven: Act 1
Peter: Got your list?
Me: Yes, sir. Right here.
Peter: Let me see. Hmm (he scans the paper). I see you hand-wrote this.
Me: Yes, sir. I did hand-write it, sir.
Peter: Sure wish I could read it. Oh drat, I need my glasses.
Me: (waiting as he searches his pockets, I begin to tap my foot) I sure would like to get into heaven today, sir. If it's not inconvenient.
Peter: (chuckles) You talking the 24-hour or the 1,000-year kind?
Me: (smiling) You choose, sir, but I don't think it will take you 1,000 years to find your glasses. They're on your head.
Peter: (pulls his glasses onto his nose) Well, that's much easier to read, isn't it? Alright, you want to...hmm...this is interesting...
Me: What's interesting, sir?
Peter: Your fifth choice is Elvis Presley.
Me: Is there something wrong with that?
Peter: There's nothing wrong with it exactly, but...
Me: But what, sir?
Peter: Well, ever since that 8.6 earthquake hit Las Vegas, we've been having new batches of Elvis impersonators running around heaven like you wouldn't believe. Now we're not sure which one is the right one. Is there any way you could cross him out and pick someone else?
Me: Can I think about while I'm talking to the other four people on my list, sir?
Peter: Sure thing, kid. Now...let's see...you want to see Jimmy Stewart first, do you?
Me: Yes, sir.
Peter: Well, if you will just step over into this room right here, I'll send Gabriel over to fetch...oh wait, I forgot. Jimmy's on usher duty today. He has to welcome all the new arrivals, you know.
Me: Can someone else take his place for a while? I would really like to speak with him.
Peter: I'll see what I can do. (he yells to a fellow angel) Hey, Raphael, you're the usher coordinator today, aren't you?
Raphael: Yes, I am.
Peter: Can you find someone that can relieve Jimmy for a few minutes? This kid really wants to talk to him.
Raphael: The only other one that can handle it is George Burns, and he's taking a smoke break.
Peter: We don't take smoke breaks. We don't even have smokes; this is heaven.
Raphael: I know that. You know that. Even George knows that. He just does it for the memories. It's the same reason he stands at the gates and says "Welcome to heaven. I'm George Burns" and goes into one of his monologues.
Peter: Well, can't Meatloaf do it?
Raphael: Sorry, but no. The last time he did it, he started singing "Heaven Can Wait" and there was a big traffic jam outside the gates. I told him to shut the heaven up but he couldn't hear me.
Peter: (sighs) Alright then, just do what you can. (to me) If you will kindly step into this room, we'll have Jimmy over here in a little while. Thank you. Next please. (to next arrival) Ah, Mickey Rooney, it's nice to see you. Sure took you a while to get here, didn't it?
An hour later, I am still sitting at one end of a long wooden table in an interrogation room, half-expecting Jack Bauer to pop in any moment and ask, "Where did you stash the other nuclear devi....oh, sorry, I was expecting someone else. My bad!" This must be where God takes confessions, I think.
Finally, the door opens. There stands Jimmy Stewart.
Me: (shaking his hand) Mr. Stewart, it's a real pleasure to meet you, sir.
Jimmy: Y-y-you can...you can stow the formalities, son. I-I-I'm just Jimmy to those who...who..who know me.
Me: Alright, Jimmy. I'd be glad to consider you a friend.
Jimmy: I-I-I didn't say...I didn't say that we'd be friends; I just said that...that people who know me refer to me as...as...as Jimmy. Y-you might say we're a-acquaintances, right?
Me: Right, sir.
Jimmy: Now, wha...what did you...what did you want to speak to me about? I-I-I am a busy angel now, you know. Have to...have to greet people when they come in so...so if we can hurry this up, I sure would be...sure would be grateful. Got a...got a lot of people to meet out there. Most...most of 'em don't recognize me in this white getup, but once they do figure it out, well, well, they sure do...they sure do light up. That...that's when they get their halos, you know, that's...that's why they light up.
Me: Okay, Jimmy. I just want you to do one thing for me.
Jimmy: Well...well what is it?
Me: Can you tell me the story of how you met Harvey?
Jimmy: Well, isn't...isn't that interesting? Th-th-the other day, Harvey came to me and asked me the same if I remember that night.
Me: Do you?
Jimmy: Of...of course, I do. Now...now let's see. "I'd just put Ed Hickey into a taxi. Ed had been mixing his rye with his gin, and I just felt that he needed conveying. Well, anyway, I was walking down along the street and I heard this voice saying, 'Good evening, Mr. Dowd.' Well, I turned around and here was this big six-foot rabbit leaning up against a lamp-post. Well, I thought nothing of that because when you've lived in a town as long as I've lived in this one, you get used to the fact that everybody knows your name. And naturally I went over to chat with him. And he said to me... he said, 'Ed Hickey was a little spiffed this evening, or could I be mistaken?' Well, of course, he was not mistaken. I think the world and all of Ed, but he was spiffed. Well, we talked like that for awhile and then I said to him, I said, 'You have the advantage on me. You know my name and I don't know yours.' And, and right back at me he said, 'What name do you like?' Well, I didn't even have to think twice about that. Harvey's always been my favorite name. So I said to him, I said, 'Harvey.' And, uh, this is the interesting thing about the whole thing: He said, 'What a coincidence. My name happens to be Harvey.'
Me: Thanks, Jimmy. I just want you to know how much I appreciate the influence you've had on me.
Jimmy: Well...well, thank you. "Here, let me give you one of my cards. Now if you should ever want to call me, call me at this number. Don't call me at that one, that's the old one."
Me: Thanks, Jimmy. By the way, can I use you as a reference? I'm going to need some kind of job up here eventually.
Jimmy: Can...can you...can you sing?
Me: Sure:
Jimmy: I...I never could sing. Donna Reed used to tell me that. All the time. Even "Buffalo Gals" didn't sound right when I was singing it. But if you want to tell Mozart that I sent you for an audition, go right ahead. I guarantee you, you'll...you'll...you'll end up polishing stars like Gordon McCrae in Carousel.
Me: Is he a star polisher?
Jimmy: No. He...he's in the choir. He...he's too vi-vibrado for me, but Mozart seems to...to like him...like him a lot. Good...good luck to you though.
Me: Thanks for talking to me, Jimmy. No matter how many people try to imitate you--and there have been and continue to be many--you truly are and forever will be inimitable.
(Note: all quotes are take from Jimmy Stewart film Harvey)
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