Suppose you, an eligible male, walk into a university classroom on the first day and see an exceptionally attractive member of the opposite sex sitting in one of the back rows.
Alone.
What do you do?
A) Nothing. You simply stand there like an idiot as you imagine her as Bonnie Tyler in the "Total Eclipse of the Heart" music video, singing and swaying with the music as the ninjas, Native Americans, and winged choir boys with fiery eyes dance around her
B) Start doing the Carlton dance
C) Break the ice with sweet lines like "Are you from Tennessee? 'Cuz you're the only ten I see?"; "Are those astronaut pants? 'Cuz your butt is out of this world?"; or, my personal favorite, "Are you tired? 'Cuz you've been running through my mind all day, baby!" (from TV show Fresh Prince)
D) Sit down calmly and attempt to extract as much information from her as possible before the tardy bell rings
If you answered A) or B) then you're probably too old for that girl anyway. As terrible as it sounds, the 80s aren't that cool anymore.Sorry.
If you answered C) then you've probably been watching A Night at the Roxbury. "What are you doing?" "Checking you label. Just as I thought! Maaaaaade in heaven..."
If you answered D) then I believe you are just like everyone else (everyone else who didn't answer A), B), or C), that is; as if that needed to be said).
Trying to meet people in a college environment is kind of like speed dating. The boy and girl take turns asking basic questions about each other in order to see what lies beneath the flashy, polished surface. In other words, it's a Q&A in which the guy communicates (often falsely) that he is indeed a good listener and interesting, while the girl takes advantage of the opportunity to talk about herself while simultaneously exploring whether the guy is worth her time. They can know within a few simple questions whether they ought to continue the conversation another time, or find a different seating arrangement for the next class period. This first conversation is crucial in the development of the relationship, so asking the right questions (and giving the correct answers) is essential (Note: You also need to smell good, or no amount of right answers will take you anywhere; however, that is beyond the scope of this post).
One question which is especially popular, at least, it was when I was going to school, is "What's your major?" The answer to this question can make or break it for a lot of people. Why? you ask. Why is this such a particularly important question?
Well, in one fell swoop the listener discovers the nature of the dreams, ambitions, goals, interests, and work ethic of the one responding. If they aren't up to snuff, if they are found wanting, if she does not approve or find a common link, you will be quickly and efficiently kicked to curb, my friend.
That's bogus, you say. That's pure nonsense.
Oh, is it? Well, let try it with a few different scenarios (By the way, G stands for girl, and B stands for boy).
Scenario #1
G: What's your major?
B: University Studies.
G: Oh, so you don't know what you want to do yet?
Impression: Suddenly, B looks like he has no ambitions, dreams, aspirations, or goals in mind yet. He is apparently still stuck in the valley of indecision, halted between two opinions. Make that three. Or is it four? Brett Favre would know. Or would he?
Scenario #2
G: What's your major?
B: Business management.
G: Really? Well, that's neat. What kind of business?
B: I don't know. Just a business. I have lots of ideas.
Impression: He hasn't got a d--- idea.
Scenario #3
B: What's your major?
G: Nursing.
B: Wow, that's great. So what are you going to do with that?
Impression: B is a total idiot.
Scenario #4
G: What's your major?
B: Communications.
G: Cool. What's your other major?
Impression: G has obviously had a communications class and realizes that B is taking the easy road through college.
Scenario #5
B: What's your major?
G: Psychology.
B: Oh, crap. Are you going to start analyzing me? I mean, I can't...I don't wanna be...I...I...Mommy! (begins to cry and wet himself)
Impression: G, Run away. Now. NOW.
Scenario #6
B: What's your major?
G: English Education.
B: Guess I've gotta watch how I talk around you, huh? Heh heh.
G: (pity laugh) Heh heh...heh. So how are you doing?
B: Oh, I'm good.
G: You mean, I am well.
B: Oh, yeah. That, too.
G's Impression: B needs to learn his own language.
B's Impression: Is she always like this?
I rest my case.
Scenerio #7
ReplyDeleteB: What's your Major?
G: Applied Physics.
B: (gives G weird look) Oh, really Physics is cool.
G: Yeah I like it.
B: (turns to talk to the other girl)
G impression: Yeah, I knew he didn't know what Physics was.
Haha, isn't it true though? That, I think, is the #1 question asked at BYUI other than what is your name. When people heard my major was Sociology the common response was, "What is that?" Or they just said cool and pretended to know.
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